An open letter to My Emmy on this her 5th heavenly birthday…
Emmy I can’t believe it has been 5 years since I last saw you. Daddy thinks the same way I do. What would you be like today if you had lived? Would your younger brother be driving you nuts? Would you be best buds? What would you be like in school? Would you be helping me with your brothers school work? What would you be learning?
Don’t worry about your things down here. Petunia is high on a shelf and Max can’t reach her. So is your mommy thing, though I did take it out when your brother was in the NICU. He really hasn’t touched it since then. Tell Alexander his giraff is also still safe. Your dress, your bunny suit and even what we hoped to bring you home in is still exactly how you left it. I even have some pacifiers of yours that still taste the same as when you left them.
Sadly we did have to dispose of your carseat that we hoped to bring you home in. It expired and I didn’t want that sitting around the house. However everything else that was yours is still here. Some of the things I hope to use on your future sister… if there is one.
Max has played with your CD player and it is in pretty bad shape. Don’t worry it still works, but he has tried to make it not work.
I know you had a hand in making it so mommy wasn’t sick anymore. I have to thank you for that. I imagine this was hard for you as I imagine you miss me just as much as I miss you. However your brother and daddy (not to mention your other siblings) need me and you were truly selfless in helping me to get well.
Please go out and see a concert tonight. I am sure Karen Carpenter is playing somewhere. Maybe you can even find John Lennon or Freddy Mercury playing somewhere. Mommy sure listened to a lot of Queen in the year after you died, maybe you had a hand in that? If that doesn’t fit you, then maybe go to a church and hear the choir. I know how much you loved going to church and feel most at home there.
Keep an eye out for me this year. Your siblings are going to need help to survive the thaw and grow inside mommy. I know your strong though and will help them do well.
Give my love to Christopher and Alexander. Tell them that they are free to play on Max’s playset anytime they want. I love to watch all of you play on it.
I hope your getting enough rest and good things to eat. Maybe even some with onions in it. I know you loved those!
I love you my little girl,
Mama
Wow, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years either. I am a complete stranger to you; I started following your blog when Emily was just a few months old (I have no idea how I came across it) and my heart sank for all of you when I read about her cor pulmonale diagnosis. I don’t know why the memory of that sadness has stuck with me but it has. I apologize for never commenting, sometimes it feels safer or easier to just be a lurker. I’ve followed along ever since and I do wish you and your family all the best! I hope it helps knowing that others remember Emily, as well as her siblings that you’ve lost too. Here’s to a wonderful 2012 for you!
Most sincerely,
Laurel in Ohio
It’s so hard. I have an open letter to my daughter that passed away on January 4th. It helps to write it out I think. I’m thinking of you today. God Bless!